I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
