I skipped work to stalk him.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
