Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
