she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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