went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the day after is always just damage control
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
