I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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