so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
