I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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