That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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