I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
