I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
