If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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