do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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