I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
