dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
