whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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