why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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