I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
