Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
