I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Damn victory sex feels great
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
