so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
