If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
