I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
