After last night, I could never be a politician.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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