I want to stick my p in your. b.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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