His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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