It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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