so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
