dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
