I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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