Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
