i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Girls should come with a carfax report
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize