I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm bleeding and have questions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
