Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
