So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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