hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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