porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
