Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize