Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
