people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
