we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
