did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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