the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
