Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
