Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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