Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
