you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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