Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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