I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
