i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
