I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
