she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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