Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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