I must be too annoying 4 u.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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