Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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