We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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