It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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