I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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