Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
