Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
