Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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