So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
