You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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