There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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