im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
