i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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