I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
