somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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