I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
