One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
