i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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