you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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