So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
