How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
