Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
