the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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