either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
