I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
