matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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