Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
