There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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