You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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