I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
