She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
