people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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