she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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