I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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