I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize