highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
there is glitter all over my balls
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
