Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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