I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
