You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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