Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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