found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
